Weeks 12 & 13 Fantasy Football Recap

Is this what it's like to be a designer at Amazon?

NFL RECAP WEEK 12

Vikings 26, Niners 34

A lot has been made of this line already ("Been there," "Haven't we all"), but I'm here to pile on, literally:

- Only one?
- Some people call this therapy.
- All white guys look the same.
- Trust the process.
- Analytics said to go for it on fourth down. (So did alcohol.)
- Usage over results.
- I believe in positive regression.
- One woman's trash is another woman's trash is another woman's trash is another woman's trash. But actually it's Cordarelle Patterson so just use protection.

WEEK 13

49ers 23, Seahawks 30

Jim Harbaugh's record with the 49ers (including playoffs): 49-22-1

Kyle Shanahan's record with the 49ers (including playoffs): 37-42

One of these coaches was fired because Jed York doesn't raise NFC Championship banners; he only raises Super Bowl banners. The other coach we're going to be stuck with for another 10 years because of his last name even though he sucks dick. To put it nicely.

POWER RANKINGS

Tier 1 — Umbria / Cream rises to the top

1. Chere (9-4)
2. Matt (9-4)
3. Scott (8-5)
4. Sara (8-5)

Can Chere and Matt hang on to their precious first round byes? Or will Scott and I pull an upset? My whole team is on a goddamn bye so it's pretty unlikely. But I believe in you, Scott! At least we're all safely making the playoffs.

Tier 2 — Stumptown / Pretty fucking good

5. Omar (7-6)
6. Ruth (7-6)
7. Eli / Bergey (6-7)
8. Ed (6-7)

Omar has the most points in the league (tiebreaker) so he is making the playoffs, win or lose. If Ruth wins she's in, but if she loses the door is open for Eli or Ed.

Tier 3 — Starbucks / You could probably do worse, but maybe not

9. Jamie (5-8)
10. Colleen (5-8)
11. Kelsey (5-8)
12. Rob (3-10)

Toilet bowl is gonna be lit tho!

Good luck in week 14, and happy belated birthday to Omar, Bergey, Matt, Chere and Malik Davis. Big birthday week for the league!

xo
Commish