Super Bowl manifesting, 2023 season recap

Super Bowl preview
49ers
Literally everyone is picking the Chiefs except my guy Julian Edelman and me. But everyone also said Tony Pollard in the 2nd was a steal. The last two Super Bowls the 49ers were in they were the safe choice, and they fucking lost both so I like this position for them. It feels different this year.

No way he would put up 31 points, lol. Brock is way better than Jimmy. Shanahan is a way better play caller than Greg Roman. I pray to God / the universe / ladybugs that Shanahan has learned from his mistakes in the past, learned from the Ravens loss and RUNS THE FUCKING BALL. Don’t overthink this, don’t outsmart yourself. And I’m begging Steve Wilks to get the defense ready (and motivated?) sometime before the second half, maybe even at kickoff.

If we don’t win now, when will we ever? Trent Williams, CMC, and Brandon Aiyuk weren’t here last time, and they are the best of the best. The defense on paper is good, but that has not been the case at all in reality, and our very expensive D line needs to show the fuck up.

Being lazy and overrated is the ultimate racial unifier, how beautiful. Maybe this is why Bosa’s play has dipped this year:

Ok keep it positive, Sara. We were extremely lucky to even make it past the Lions and the Packers. But sometimes you need a luck to win it all, and I have to believe this is the 49ers year. Over here manifesting with a pop tart nbd.

Chiefs
First of all, who the fuck says “I love you” after dating for like 3 months? Or is it just me and my avoidant bfs who don’t.

Things that concern me:
Andy Reid is in the zone in these playoffs.
Mahomes and Taylor Swift are inevitable.
Jake Moody.

As for the rest of the league…

Ravens
I hate the way it ended for Lamar. They’re like the Gonzaga of the NFL. Maybe they need to face more adversity during the season so they’re ready in the playoffs idk. But one of these days it’s gonna happen for him.

Lions
Cute story, bro.

Bills
Josh Allen is another guy people love to talk shit about. “He’s not a winner.” But I won back to back titles with him in Ken' Li’s league (flex) so he’s champion in my eyes and for so many other fantasy owners. Maybe work on your locker room culture. Also Josh Allen and Hailee Steinfeld are the real power couple imo.

Obviously Allen is one of my favorites too, but I choose not to read too much into this. And shout out to Bills fans, you’re next level.

Texans
I thought this was going to be a trap job for DeMeco Ryans but so so happy to be wrong! Watching CJ Stroud is real life magic.

Bucs
More good vibes for us in these uncertain times. Thanks, Baker.

Packers

I’m not even a Packers fan, and I was beyond sick of the Rodgers storylines so actual fans must be so relieved. I think this was the beginning of a great rivalry that we honestly never had with Rodgers because we always beat him. Fuck that guy.

Cowboys
The definition of insanity… is torturing your fanbase with these shitty coaches years after they should have been fired. But at least you get to watch this king every week, classic:

Browns

Eagles

The only team with worse vibes last year than the Eagles was my work team. You see people yelling at each other. I see coworkers on speaking terms.

Dolphins
Is there an award for how many weeks you can keep your trash QB in the MVP conversation?

Steelers
Death, taxes, Mike Tomlin’s non-losing seasons. But if you thought there’s no way this team could be more unwatchable next year, think again.

Rams
There is a misconception that fantasy is dehumanizing and makes fans not care about players, but I care way too much about my fantasy guys. Stafford, Puka and Kyren all had such an amazing season in real life and fantasy, I’m a fan for life. I was legit upset and in the worst mood when they lost that close game to the Lions. Feel like they were the better team, some calls didn’t go their way. Those are my guys, and I can’t stop rooting for them just because the fantasy season ends.

Bengals

Jags
I keep hearing what a great QB Trevor Lawerence is, and I have been patiently waiting for literally any evidence to support this. I think Trent Williams was right when he said no one wants to admit when they’re wrong, so they can’t let go of draft capital.

Seahawks
To my dismay, it seems like the Seahawks made a great coaching hire. It was nice sweeping them for a few years but feel like those days might be over now. The division is gonna be tough. But iron sharpens iron, to be the best you have to beat the best, all the sports cliches. Trying to be positive. I’m happy for my Seahawks fan friends, seriously.

Colts
I really hope Richardson can stay healthy next year. He was gonna be incredible.

Saints
Especially as a woman I probably shouldn’t be saying this, but as someone who’s gonna draft Chris Olave again and someone who loves football, please start Jameis! The NFL is at least 10x better with him in the lineup. Fans and players go crazy over him, he’s like Taylor Swift for men.

Raiders
Props to these guys for moving on from Jimmy after a few months. It’s good to just admit you made a mistake and not drag that shit out for years. Not speaking from personal experience or anything.

Broncos
Sean Payton has somehow managed to make Russ a sympathetic character. He must be a real asshole.

Vikings
A lot less Kirk slander on the timeline these days…

Jets
A darkness retreat with no end date.

Bears
They’re in the best position to either get a shitload of picks or take a generational QB. But I’m not convinced they’re competent enough to take advantage of either scenario.

Falcons
I’ve never seen someone as universally disliked as Arthur Smith. But somehow he got another job. The plague continues, but I wasn’t touching the Steelers offense regardless. I’d rather have an empty bench spot.

Titans
Will Levis is so jacked he doesn’t look like he plays QB.

Giants
At least you’re not the Jets?

Chargers
I couldn’t be happier for my honorary AFC team!!! Love Harbaugh, I want my coach to be a complete maniac!! This man worked miracles with self-identified game manager Alex Smith, so imagine what he can do with a real one like Herbert. Greg Roman gives me pause, but again I’m choosing to look at the positives.

Life is beautiful, and also happy Lunar New Year!

Cardinals
MHJ SZN?

Pats

Commanders
The best part of their season was RG3 and Jay Gruden airing out their dirty laundry from years ago.

Panthers
I’m on some group chats about the young, handsome new Seahawks coach, but have you seen Dave Canales? This guy is almost too hot. He managed to cheated on his wife, find God, stay married and write a book with his wife about infidelity. Here’s hoping he can pull off a similar miracle in Carolina.

2023 Fantasy season recap
Scott completely dominated the championship with a ridiculously good team, especially for a 14-team league. In his own words:

It’s been a great season!! Miss you guys! And to all the new Chiefs fans watching the Super Bowl for the first time willingly, welcome! I hope you fall in love with football, and not just some TE who’s gonna get dominated by Fred Warner.

xo,
Commish